Personal Guard 2009 is the latest fake spyware program to hit the web. With the brilliant tagline, “Best protection for best times” (whatever that means), Personal Guard 2009 pops up on your computer and asks if you want to scan your PC for “unwanted spyware, malware, and even viruses.”

It goes on to brag, “One of the strongest solution in the industry, Personal Guard gives you best to protect your data – now and today!” I don’t know about you, that kind of grammar doesn’t exactly give me a warm fuzzy feeling.

But even if the grammar were impeccable, this is just more phony software trying to scare you into shelling out $49.95 for a program that does nothing. Don’t fall for their fancy graphics and smooth talk. Here’s how to remove Personal Guard 2009, for free.

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Remember how much fun we had a couple months back with rogue spyware application Personal Antivirus? Well, we’re in luck, because it’s back, thanks to browser hijacker Best-Antivirus03.com.

I was skimming NYTimes.com’s review of Jay-Z’z latest when my browser was hijacked by Best-Antivirus03.com’s popups:

“Warning!!! Your system requires immediate anti-viruses scan! Personal Antivirus can perform fast and free virus and malicious software scan of your computer .”
“Your computer remains infected by threats! They might lead to data loss and file structure damage, and needed to be heal as soon as possible. Return to Personal Antivirus and download it secure to your PC.”
“Potentially dangerous software. These programs may damage your computer and steal your private information. Online Security Checker needs Personal Antivirus components to repair your computer. Please click Ok to download and install Personal Antivirus tool.”

Best-Antivirus03.com also runs a fake system scan to alert you that your system is infected with a bunch of made-up threats, and then it tries to get you to download an antispyware application, which turns out to be—you guessed it, our old, fake friend Personal Antivirus.

Let’s get you back to NYTimes.com — or whatever you were really reading. Let me show how to block Best-Antivirus03.com.

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Windows Guard Pro is scamware trying to ride off Microsoft’s good name. Just like its badware buddies Windows System Suite, Windows Additional Guard, and Windows Protection Suite, Windows Guard Pro knocks off Windows’ styling to try to look legit. Windows Guard Pro plays the usual scareware game, though. Once the fake antispyware is on your PC, Windows Guard Pro drowns your screen with faux system alerts from Windows Task Bar, and Windows Guard Pro popups swear you’re infected with badware like BAT.Looper, SpamTool.Win32.Delf.h, Trojan-Spy.HTML.Citifraud.a and Trojan-Spy.Win32.WMPatch.

Despite what Windows Guard Pro pop-up ads — and any sites Windows Guard Pro redirects your browser to — say, you’re not infected with anything but Windows Guard Pro. Don’t waste your dough “registering” for the “full” version of Windows Guard Pro. Windows Guard Pro can’t remove anything but money from your wallet.

So let me save you some cash, time, and sanity, and show you how to uninstall Windows Guard Pro.

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Ultimate System Guard is scamware spiffed up to look like legit security software. Despite its penchant for fancy pants, Ultimate System Guard plays the usual scareware tricks: Ultimate System Guard sneaks onto your machine through a Trojan, and nestles into your registry so it starts up with your system. Ultimate System Guard automatically spoofs scanning your system for threats. Surprise — Ultimate System Guard swears you’re infected with obscure badware that only Ultimate System Guard can remove. For about fifty bucks. Not buying it? Good for you, but Ultimate System Guard will continue its sales pitch with fake system alerts and Ultimate System Guard popups. If you click any of these Ultimate System Guard pop up ads, you’ll be tricked into blowing dough on “registering” Ultimate System Guard.

If you’re going to burn cash, wouldn’t you rather do it at the Wynn?

Let me save you some money, and show you how to uninstall Ultimate System Guard, for free.

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Antivirus Pro 2010 is another fake antispyware application that gets into your computer as a Trojan horse and pretends to scan your computer for malware. But its “Scan progress” bar is just a fancy graphic, and the list of files it pretends to detect on your computer is the same list it shows everybody. If Antivirus Pro 2010 could actually scan your computer for bafware, Antivirus Pro 2010 would detect itself.

Once the fake system scan is done, a fake Security Center pop-up says:

“Security Center helps you to manage your Windows security settings. To protect your computer, make sure the three security essentials are turned ON. If the settings are not ON, follow the recommendation…“

Below that, you’ll see one setting, “Virus Protection,” that isn’t turned on, and there will be a link saying, “Click here to get Antivirus Pro 2010 License.” This link leads to a payment screen.

But unless you like blowing dough for fake services that do nothing but invite more spyware into your computer, follow my instructions to remove Antivirus Pro 2010 from your PC, for free.

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Windows Additional Guard uses generic Windows design features to pose as a legit Windows antispyware program, but don’t get taken in by this old trick. Windows Additional Guard is just another badware application from the wonderful people who brought us Smart Virus Eliminator, Malware Catcher 2009, and other knock-off scamware.

You’d think putting out the same software over and over under different names would get old after a while. But no, these guys never get tired of it.

Once the Windows Additional Guard pop-up finishes its fake system scan, it says, “Sample Scan results 15 potential threats found” and that you’re infected with eb.exe/Trojan-Spy.HTML.Bayfraud.hn, but don’t worry. This is the same line it feeds everyone. It’s just trying to scare you into clicking the “Protect Now” button, which takes you to a payment screen.

But paying for this phony software definitely will not, as it promises, “enhance your PC protection against potentially harmful items.” Windows Additional Guard is a harmful item. I’ll show you how to uninstall Windows Additional Guard, for free.

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QuickHealCleaner is yet another useless scareware application dressed up as a real antispyware program, but we’re not falling for this old trick anymore.

Just like its badware buddies SystemCop, BlockDefense, SaveSoldier, TrustNinja, and SaveDefense, QuickHealCleaner enters your computer as a Trojan, pretending to be a video codec or driver. Then, a QuickHealCleaner pop-up does a fake system scan and tells you — surprise! — your computer is infected.

Once QuickHealCleaner has scared you into thinking you need a quick fix-up, it takes you to a registration screen and asks for your payment information. But don’t fall into this trap. The program heals nothing, and paying may actually invite more badware into your computer.

So if being scammed into paying money for nothing but more spyware infections is not your cup of tea, I’ll show you how to uninstall QuickHealCleaner, for free.

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Email-Worm.JS.Gigger is just a bunch of gibberish designed to look like the name of a real computer virus. It shows up in a “Threat found Alert” pop-up generated by the fake security application PC Antispyware 2010, followed by this so-called “Comment:”

“This is a dangerous worm. It replicates using Outlook, Outlook Express and mIRC. The worm is written in JavaScript and Visual Basic Script (VBS). It contains destructive payload routines that are able to format the user’s hard disk after rebook, and can delete all files on all available disks…”

This would be scary if it had anything to do with reality. But it doesn’t. It’s just a scare tactic designed to make you click the “Get Protection Now!” button, which leads to a payment screen.

If you’re seeing the “Threat: Email-Worm.JS.Gigger” message, your real problem is PC Antispyware 2010. Before you toss your PC in the dumpster to get rid of these Email-Worm.JS.Gigger popups, I’ll show you how to uninstall Email-Worm.JS.Gigger, for free.

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MalwaresEradicator is scareware dressed up to look like legit anti-badware software. But MalwaresEradicator isn’t so well styled — if you visit the scamware’s official site, MalwaresEradicator.com, you’ll see a FAQ page full of screenshots of last season’s rogue software, Rapid Antivirus. MalwaresEradicator plays the same games: it slips onto your machine through a Trojan, and automatically launches a fake system scan when your computer boots. MalwaresEradicator will swear you’re infected with obscure badware that MalwaresEradicator can remove — for $49.95-89.95. Don’t want to pay? You’re smart, but MalwaresEradicator is clever: it’ll drown your screen with spoof system alerts and MalwaresEradicator popups prompting you to “register” MalwaresEradicator to remove this fake badware.

Don’t believe MalwaresEradicator — the only badware on your computer is MalwaresEradicator.

Before Malwares Eradicator popups make you set fire to your computer, let me show you how to uninstall MalwaresEradicator.

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Infostealer.Ebod might as well name itself “Spyware.exe,” because that’s exactly what it is, and it doesn’t seem to care if we know. Infostealer.Ebod enters as a Trojan horse attached to a legitimate Flash installer. Then, once it’s set up shop in your computer, take a wild guess what it does next.

Yup, it steals your info.

More specifically, Infostealer.Ebod has been known to gather computer names and Media Access Control addresses, as well as search engine results and browser histories, and then it sends this information to a remote location. It also may hijack your browser to annoying web ads.

When it comes to these Infostealer worms, you never know what information they’re capable of tracking. So, if identity theft isn’t your idea of a fun weekend, I’ll show you how to remove Infostealer.Ebod, for free.

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