Trivia question: Other than the name, what’s the difference between SecureVeteran and previous malware threats SaveSoldier, TrustNinja, and SaveKeep?

Stumped? Good, because it’s a trick question. There’s no difference at all. Just like those other pests, Secure Veteran comes bundled with downloads that probably should’ve been avoided in the first place, and then it proceeds to turn your computer into a conduit for its irritating spam and RAM-crippling SecureVeteran pop-ups.

It then says your computer is infected with some arbitrary number of viruses and invites you to pay money for a full version. Trivia question: Is there such thing as a SecureVeteran full version?

If you said no, you’re getting good at this. Let me show you how to remove SecureVeteran from your computer, for free.

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SecuritySoldier wants to con you with its polished design and hawkish name, but it’s just another rogue spyware program. If you don’t believe me, compare it to recent spyware pests SecurityFighter and SaveDefender, and notice the similarities in, well… everything but the name.

Like those lovely programs, SecuritySoldier burrows into your computer with two goals: to annoy you, and to take your money. It accomplishes this by displaying fake scans and SecuritySoldier pop-ups saying your computer’s infected and that you should pay for a full version. I hope you haven’t gotten that far, because there’s no full version.

Do you have better uses for your money then handing it over to anonymous web criminals? I’ll show you how to remove SecuritySoldier from your computer, for free.

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SecurityTool—or Security Tool—is the newest badware release from the wonderful people who brought us past web pests Total Security 2009 and System Security. SecurityTool enters your computer through a Trojan and blocks your real security software. Then, it imitates Windows to falsely claim your computer is infected, which is when they spring their “Get Full protection with Security Tool” pop-up on you.

Does “Warning! 41 infections found!!!” sound familiar? It’s what SecurityTool tells everyone, and it has nothing to do with reality. SecurityTool’s scan is a phony scare tactic to get you to pay for a non-existent full version.

Not a fan of fake warnings with excessive exclamation points? I can show you how to remove SecurityTool from your computer, for free.

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SecurityFighter is a rogue spyware pest that wears the friendly face of a real antispyware program and tries to scare money out of you. Like its recent partners in crime SaveArmor, TrustWarrior, and SoftSafeness, SecurityFighter pops up on your screen, does a fake scan, and tells you your computer is infected.

This would be a nice public service if it really did anything, but SecurityFighter’s progress bars are only fancy animations. Once they’re done, it’ll ask you to pay for a nonexistent full version. Sure, it’ll take your money, but you’ll be waiting a very long time for your full version.

Sadly, this badware’s only interested in you for your money. But I’ll show you how to remove SecurityFighter from your computer, for free.

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Alpha Antivirus is malware dressed up to look like real antivirus software. It’s more or less the same as our old buddy Personal Antivirus, but it has a slightly updated look that I guess we’re supposed to think is pretty sharp.

Here’s how the scam works. Alpha Antivirus pops up when you’re on the internet and says your computer is infected. But to fix these infections, it says, you have to “Get full time protection,” which means forking over some cash for a licensed version, which doesn’t actually exist.

Alpha Antivirus also blocks your current security software and basically screws up your system as much as it possibly can.

If these Alpha Antivirus pop-ups make you feel like giving up on technology, don’t pull the plug just yet. I can show you how to remove Alpha Antivirus from your computer, for free.

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If you ask me, the makers of SaveArmor need to find a new hobby. Their long line of malware applications going back through SoftSafeness, SaveKeeper, QuickHealCleaner, TrustNinja, and SaveSoldier becomes less and less inspired with each release. I say they should retire this franchise for good, but something tells me these geniuses don’t care about public opinion.

The SaveArmor pop-up, which enters your computer through dark, secret paths, displays a fake system scan and tells you that you have so-and-so threats on your computer and that you need to register for the licensed version if you want to get rid of them.

Two problems: 1) These so-called infections don’t actually exist on your computer. 2) If they did, you would need a real antispyware program to get rid of them. SaveArmor does not qualify.

SaveArmor pop-up ads are extremely annoying, but I can show you how to permanently delete this badware from your computer, for free.

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SaveDefender’s makers have a unique approach to naming their malware, which also include SoftSafeness, TrustWarrior, BlockDefense, and SafetyKeeper. Take two words—or in the experimental case of QuickHealCleaner, three words—that sound either nice or security-oriented, and jam them together into one odd-sounding but vaguely antispyware-ish name.

Just like the others, SaveDefender enters your computer as a Trojan horse and immediately begins its process of annoying you out of your skull. First, a SaveDefender pop-up displays a fake system scan and tells you that you have “704 Infections Detected.” Then, it warns you about the various things these objects will lead to, such as “Annoying advertisements wasting your traffic,” “Criminals will steal your personal data,” and “Cyber thieves get access to credit card.” This is actually a pretty accurate self-portrait, only SaveDefender is the “infection” that’ll do these things. Even worse, Save Defender creates a system tray icon that periodically pops up to say,

“Spyware Alert! Your computer is infected with spyware. It could damage your critical files or expose your private data on the Internet. Click here to register your copy of SaveDefender and remove spyware threats from your PC.”

The makers of SaveDefender are the “cyber thieves” and the criminals who “will steal your personal data” and annoy you with SaveDefender alerts. Don’t fall into their trap. Keep your money as far from these people as possible.

If this badware is starting to give you doubts about this whole Internet thing, I’ll show you how to remove SaveDefender, for free.

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TrustWarrior is scareware styled to look like trust-worthy security software. Like its badware buddies SoftSafeness and SafetyKeeper, TrustWarrior sneaks onto your computer via a Trojan. TrustWarrior nestles into your registry, so it’ll start up faux system scans when your system boots. TrustWarrior’ll swear you’re infected with all sorts of obscure badware. Sound suspicious? Go fig, TrustWarrior is right — only because TrustWarrior installed these “badware” files on your PC.

Those TrustWarrior files are mostly junk — they probably won’t do any more damage than TrustWarrior alone. So you don’t need to buy TrustWarrior to remove these files. But don’t tell TrustWarrior that — it’ll keep trying to convince you to waste cash on its “full” version, through TrustWarrior popups and spoof system alerts and Windows Security Center popups. If you click any of these TrustWarrior alerts, you’ll be tricked into blowing dough on TrustWarrior.

You may be tempted to throw money at TrustWarrior and hope it’ll go away, but likely it won’t. And, just as likely, you may see strange charges on your credit card later (call your bank if you bought TrustWarrior).

Let me save you some sanity, time, and money, and show you how to uninstall TrustWarrior for free.

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Windows PC Defender is just a repackaged version of recent malware pests Windows Guard Pro, Windows System Suite, Windows Additional Guard, and Windows Protection Suite. Like those fake applications, Windows PC Defender uses a blatantly Windows-y design to trick web users into thinking it’s legit. The annoying truth is that there’s nothing stopping malware makers from slapping the Windows name on whatever junky scareware they unleash on the world. You’d think Microsoft would use its infinite might to squash these web-vermin, but badware makers can be hard to track.

But Windows PC Defender popups are pretty open and obvious. Windows PC Defender pop-ups appear when you’re surfing the web, and they display a phony “Sample Scan” that results in “20 potential threats found.” Then, it creates a bunch of nonexistent threats with names like “Trojan-PSW.Win32.Hooker” and “Virus.BAT.Gray.705” and says you need to “get full protection” if you want to remove them from your computer.

And even if you don’t get tricked into registering for the full version, Windows PC Defender will keep annoying you with meaningless warnings and fake scan pop-ups until you fight back.

Microsoft may not have our backs on this, but since when did we need them? I’ll show you how to uninstall Windows PC Defender, for free.

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SoftSafeness is scareware dolled up to look like legit antivirus software. Like other fake security software, the only thing SoftSafeness is designed to remove is dough from your wallet. A twin of SafetyKeeper, SoftSafeness sneaks onto your machine through a Trojan or rogue website. What’s SoftSafeness is on your machine, it boots with your system and automatically spoofs checking your computer for threats. SoftSafeness will discover you’re infected with all sorts of badware that your real antivirus software never finds. Shocker. SoftSafeness then prompts you to pay up to remove this badware, with faux system alerts and Windows Security Center alerts, and SoftSafeness popups.

Don’t believe SoftSafeness’s hype — SoftSafeness just wants your money (if you paid for SoftSafeness already, call your credit card company and cancel the charge, and consider changing your card number). Even if you actually had any of the badware SoftSafeness says you do, SoftSafeness couldn’t remove it.

So let me show you how to remove SoftSafeness for free, before you set your PC on fire to block SoftSafeness pop-up ads.

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